to what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

a hell of a lot of it, i must say.

i’m not one for the whole sitting back and going with the flow thing. i like what i like and i want what i want and damn right i will try my hardest to get it.

if the average human life span was forty years, how would you live your life differently?

well, i’d already probably be married to mark, honestly, and living with him. which i would love to be doing already, but parents aren’t really going for that. i’d be pushing to get my job, get a life, get things DONE. i suppose i’d be more adventurous and i’d probably not give as much of a shit about what other people want from me and more about what i want from myself and what i want to do. i honestly don’t want to do much. i just want to be happy and get things done and enjoy myself because there’s really not much else to life.

are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

well, that’s tough. i’m trying to do what i believe in, certainly. however, being sixteen has some certain restrictions, such as not having a full education and people not actually taking you seriously. i tend to gravitate towards things i believe in and i can get rather.. adamant about how things should be done and how they are. i would be doing it if i could. i’d be sitting in a therapist’s office listening to a schizophrenic and trying my best to help them, though i doubt anyone wants to listen to my advice, even though maturity and age can sometimes not correlate.

if happiness was a world currency, what sort of work would make you rich?

OKAY. i wanted to skip this because this is NOT up to interpretation! this is more of a ‘who is the most humanistic and compassionate’ or ‘what work would make you rich even if you didn’t like it’. it’s not opinion or something. it’s more of a basic question. however, if it was ‘what sort of work would make you rich that you would ENJOY’.. now that would be a question. but it’s not and i hope more questions will be better and more subjective and less like my psychotically happy sophomore english teacher.

hm. i think i’ll be original and say be one of those game show hosts. because WHO MAKES PEOPLE HAPPIER THAN SOMEONE WHO SAYS THAT THEY’VE WON MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OR CARS OR SOMETHING? NO ONE. really. people cry because they’re so happy. yeah, volunteering is nice, but what people really like is money and getting it without doing any actual work. so to be the person who announces that? awesome. or being oprah. i think she makes a lot of people happy. housewives across america and all that.

what is one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

oh, god. i hate this whole WORLD PEACE blah blah blah thing. in my opinion, violence and scary shit makes this INTERESTING. i don’t believe heaven would be fun because paradise is BORING. paradise is nothing and the same and we need something to mix it up a bit, so obviously, i’m not a huge henna-wearing peace-toter. i think peace is just an idealistic approach to life and yadda-yadda-yadda, but that’s not what the question is about and i’m getting off topic.

one thing to change about the world? ahhh, unnecessary hurting of people? emotionally, of course. because that’s so much more scarring than physical hurt, honestly. just like psychos and all of them, they make me sick and angry. as fascinating as they are, i could do without them.

when life is all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

oh, that’s just a depressing questions. if i decide to make myself feel better, i’ll puff up my chest and bark, “DONE. YES, OF COURSE, DONE!” but then i could be honestly and say “ahhh, hell no.” and since i’m neither pompous nor an idiot, so.. ahhh, hell no.

i am a lazy individual, something that i am no longer denying because i AM and i might as well own up and let everyone know what’s going on so they’ll either be fine with me not doing something or being surprised that i did. but the thing is, i will say i will do AMAZING things, and everyone knows i won’t because i either forget or something and i WILL come up with brilliant excuses, don’t you worry, but it won’t be done and it’s not surprising to me or many other people at this point in time.

sadly, i will be lazing about dreaming about this or that, but i really do like this lazing thing. so at least when all’s said and done, i’ll be good with it.

if life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

hmm. i think this question is interesting. i think we do so many things we don’t like because we feel.. obligated to. because other people like them and we feel like we have to make them happy and put them above our own happiness. self-sacrificing, to a degree, though this is usually something like a husband going to a musical instead of watching football, not cutting off your own hand (though i don’t know WHO that would make happy..). we feel like we must because if we don’t, we seem selfish. however, this is kind of depressing, now that i think about it. it’d be nice to think that if we don’t like something, people who care about us should understand that, but everyone is selfish, so therefore they put the fact that someone doesn’t want to do something as a personal attack. which is clearly not the case.

and i think we don’t do things we like also because of other people’s ideas of us and other people who don’t want to do what we do. i think when we find out other people don’t agree, we get scared of what we like and believe that somehow, we’re wrong, we shouldn’t like what we do and we don’t do it. we also are afraid ourselves of whether or not we’ll be good or bad at what we like or whether or not we are good at something we think we are. we rely mostly on others’ opinions of our talents to get a sense of what we believe of ourselves.

rarely we think about how short life is and how useless it is to just depend on everyone else for our happiness and ratings on life in general. isn’t that sad?

second post, etc, you know. today was good. i’m most certainly tired and i need to take a shower but my sister is in the bathroom so i have decided to give this a shot again. i’ve got another forty-eight questions to fill up more posts. so about two more months, and then i don’t know exactly what i’ll do. i’ll just have to use my ultimate question book or whatever it’s called that’s lying in my shelf because i like questions and surveys and statistic.

ANYWAY.

what is worse, failing or never trying?

excellent question.

i think it depends on the person themselves or the subject of what they’re trying, etc. some things i can’t blame people for not trying, like the poisonous pufferfish liver they eat in japan or whatnot. after all, that CAN kill you. but a bit of guacamole (yes, i was this person) should not be refused because it is green and mushy and looks like refried peas.

i believe that a lot of people use never trying as a way to make themselves feel better. after all, if they hadn’t tried, they can still preserve the secret dream of ‘hey, i probably could have done that!’ instead of letting that be crushed under someone’s heel and having the memory stick around and be like, ‘HA. SEE? YOU SUCKED.’ or something like that. some people also have tried and failed, and though they could retry, they just don’t because failing a second time is just like beating a dead horse. or an almost dead one, because it still makes you unhappy when you fail again.

this is a completely subjective question, of course. some people are go-getters and MUST DO MUST TRY and some people are pessimistic and never do anything different just in case they’re not quite as good as it as they hoped. i’m more of an in between, as i am in most cases of things in general.

well, seeing as i’m rather sleepy and i’m still awake, i might as well just ramble on about this or that. i use xanga for my catalog of events, see, and this is for more profound thoughts and things to BELIEVE in. or something of the sort. it might just end up being nothing.

i think i shall answer an interesting question each post. let’s see what i come up with.

how old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

how old? i want to say 18. not because it’s the typical age in novels about teenagers (besides 16, 17 usually gets studiously ignored) or because i can drive and whatnot, but 18 year olds are supposed to be more mature so people will take me seriously when i say things that actually make sense on an intellectual level. however, they’re also supposed to be in that awkward transitioning from teen-to-adult moment, which i constantly feel that i am in. i’m not a teen, because that means i like high school and i gossip and i am energetic and unresposible. i’m not an adult because i don’t want to shoulder all of the responsibility that comes with it yet, however i think i most certainly could handle grad school level work and people of the higher mindset about now without breaking into a sweat. pretentious-sounding, yes, but i know that i’m smarter than most and that i’m bored of the petty nonsense that goes on throughout high school. i’ve been bored of it for years, and eighteen means college and freedom. i’d say after college if i wanted an overwhelming transition and such, but i don’t and i won’t probably for a bit. i think if you took off a bit of that responsibility, i’d be more in the 21 age group.

however, i certainly don’t believe that these ages mean maturity.. i believe i’d be what should be expected of those of that maturity, not the drunken party girlzz from their college sorority. they’d need to turn 30 before actually contributing something useful to society and having a thought about responsibility enter their minds. maturity also doesn’t mean much these days, because the older people are, the more they aren’t used to this generation; therefore, the people who should be mature simply don’t understand and their maturity is effectively useless to those who would need it. very few people understand The World As We Know It with it’s cacophony roaring around and busy nature of things, and you need someone young like 18 with intelligence of a 40 year old put to now. and i think i’ll get there sometime.

when i’m tired, i’ll write here.

my most profound as well as off-beat moments come from the lack of sleep, and i miss recording them somewhere. who knows, maybe i’ll look back and use them sometime.